I wondered where it came from
The questions
The disturbance
The anxiety
The self doubts
It made me into a touch-me-not
Gradually, resigning into a shell
Getting silent
Avoiding calls
Yet, there was something hopeful
A little fire inside
A little life force
A little positive whisper
I learnt to calm myself down
The world would punch me
I would calm myself down
The world would berate me
I would write down in a journal and
Calm myself down
The world would spin stories
I would read books by people who suffered the same and
Calm myself down
The world would show entitlement
I would talk to people who have gone through the ridiculousness and
Calm myself down
I would learn to meditate and gradually understand
The people are bitter
Someone’s spouse did not treat them well
The people are jealous
Their mothers never saw the good in them, always compared them to someone else
They were jealous of what was not in them, a personality
Some were angry
Their own father did not invest in them
These bitter, angry, jealous people would love the drama
Keep me engaged in their dirty games
I learnt their games
stopped playing them
Peace came, then love
Slowly came play , meaning and
Lastly came the understanding
I am the sunflower
I will look towards what is bright
And beautiful
Always open to an invite to a wonderful dance
And laughter
While keeping an eye on the bitter ones
Tiring them
Redirecting their anger
And wishing them one day to
Become a sunflower
It is that time of the day
When I go to my bed
My wife sleeping by my side
My son sleeping by my side
Me awake
Rubbing my tummy
All the pretenses of the day
Let go
Then in that unburdened space
A belly laugh
Soon darkness will engulf
I will fall asleep
For some reason
And no reason at all
It is special
An afternoon
On a Sunday
I am watching the sunlight outside
There is some impending sleepiness
The mopping machine is working in the background
Tulika telling me something to give my voice for
I decide to sleep
The place I was sitting
The problem was that the legs could not be extended
As there was blanket kept on the bed
Tulika was telling me to do something
And in the middle of this
I slept
Trusting the world will keep spinning on it’s axis when I wake up
The work will be taken care of
One good sleep in the middle of everything
Like stealing one good moment from the hustle of life
Without thinking much
And somehow felt so good when I wake up
And to write this into a poem is almost a sin
No great moments, no great story, nothing great
Yet, simple has won my heart forever
And this is one hug to that experience of simple in our lives
I have been hurt
Many times
Once when I was playing
It was painful
Yet , playing was too much fun
Once when I loved
It was painful
Yet, loving is my essence
Once in friendship
It was painful
Yet, friendships makes me trust in humanity
Every time
There is hurt
Something changes
Sometimes the play changes
Other times the player
Sometimes, the people you love changes
Other times, the way you love
Sometimes, the people that are your friends
Other times, the way you choose a friend
Hurt is life’s way
To pause and look
In and out
To see life as it is
Into the corners of our hearts
Which we have chosen to ignore
My son
Watches me
Without blinking his eyes
With an unconditional love
When his eyes become smaller
With a half baked smile
It is the showering
Of the blessings of God
He doesn’t know who I am
As if the God is looking at me
Saying that I don’t need to know
Who you are
Life is cruel
At some levels
Yet
In some moments
It simply makes sense
