From touch-me-not to a sunflower

 I wondered where it came from

The questions 

The disturbance

The anxiety 

The self doubts

It made me into a touch-me-not 

Gradually, resigning into a shell 

Getting silent 

Avoiding calls 

Yet, there was something hopeful

A little fire inside

A little life force 

A little positive whisper 

I learnt to calm myself down

The world would punch me 

I would calm myself down

The world would berate me

I would write down in a journal and 

Calm myself down

The world would spin stories 

I would read books by people who suffered the same and 

Calm myself down

The world would show entitlement 

I would talk to people who have gone through the ridiculousness and 

Calm myself down

I would learn to meditate and gradually understand 

The people are bitter

Someone’s spouse did not treat them well

The people are jealous 

Their mothers never saw the good in them, always compared them to someone else

They were jealous of what was not in them, a personality

Some were angry

Their own father did not invest in them 

These bitter, angry, jealous people would love the drama

Keep me engaged in their dirty games 

 I learnt their games 

stopped playing them

Peace came, then love

Slowly came play , meaning and 

Lastly came the understanding 

I am the sunflower 

I will look towards what is bright

And beautiful

Always open to an invite to a wonderful dance

And laughter

While keeping an eye on the bitter ones

Tiring them

Redirecting their anger

And wishing them one day to

Become a sunflower 

Time in a bubble

It is that time of the day

When I go to my bed

My wife sleeping by my side

My son sleeping by my side

Me awake

Rubbing my tummy

All the pretenses of the day

Let go

Then in that unburdened space

A belly laugh

Soon darkness will engulf

I will fall asleep

For some reason 

And no reason at all

It is special

Tulika

A woman was sitting in a balcony

The background was of

Sunshine

Sky

Trees in the garden

It is a complete crime

To bewitch 

An innocent man like me

Without even trying

Yes

You granted me a moment 

When moon light fell on your curvaceous body

To walk in this small house

Day after day

With you along

Is the perfect little plan of magic

You must be a fool

To believe in me

Look what you got

A man figuring out 

Beauty      love      fear      self       others    Flow  

Sacrificed decades and youth in a hope 

“everything will anyway end some day”, he says

“Life is lived in the now”,he says

“If it is conditional, it is not Love”, he says

“ The highest a human can achieve is to live like a eleven month old baby in the inside and a eighty year old man on the outside”, he says

Do not trust him 

All he did

Was to kiss you 

Coming from Nowhere

And going Nowhere too

Susegado

 An afternoon

On a Sunday

I am watching the sunlight outside

There is some impending sleepiness 

The mopping machine is working in the background

Tulika telling me something to give my voice for

I decide to sleep

The place I was sitting

The problem was that the legs could not be extended

As there was blanket kept on the bed 

Tulika was telling me to do something 

And in the middle of this 

I slept

Trusting the world will keep spinning on it’s axis when I wake up 

The work will be taken care of 

One good sleep in the middle of everything

Like stealing one good moment from the hustle of life

Without thinking much

And somehow felt so good when I wake up 

And to write this into a poem is almost a sin 

No great moments, no great story, nothing great

Yet, simple has won my heart forever 

And this is one hug to that experience of simple in our lives

Hurt , Hurt , Hurt

 I have been hurt

Many times

Once when I was playing 

It was painful

Yet , playing was too much fun

Once when I loved

It was painful

Yet, loving is my essence

Once in friendship

It was painful

Yet, friendships makes me trust in humanity

Every time

There is hurt

Something changes

Sometimes the play changes

Other times the player

Sometimes, the people you love changes 

Other times, the way you love

Sometimes, the people that are your friends

Other times, the way you choose a friend

Hurt is life’s way 

To pause and look

In and out 

To see life as it is

 Into the corners of our hearts 

Which we have chosen to ignore 

A loving gaze

 My son

Watches me 

Without blinking his eyes

With an unconditional love

When his eyes become smaller

With a half baked smile 

It is the showering 

Of the blessings of God

He doesn’t know who I am

As if the God is looking at me

Saying that I don’t need to know

Who you are 

Life is cruel

At some levels 

Yet 

In some moments 

It simply makes sense

You read it right

 I write

And people said good things 

I write 

And people said nasty things 

I write

Sometimes 

To some of them

Thanks

Fuck you

Okay

I write

About the noise of the traffic

In a busy city 

I write

About desires in people’s eyes

Sinful and alive 

I write

Honestly

I write

The maddening rush of people to dominate

Come what may

I write

Of friendships broken 

In a heartbeat 

I write

Of love suspending in time and air

Freezing the moments of truth

I write

The hearts caged by the people whom you trusted

I write

Of magic 

in the mundane around

I write 

Of an ephemeral

 life

I write

When life 

wants to express

I write

I write 

I write